Day in LA

I am Dizzy and I believe it is because I cause myself to not be in the moment.  More of the overwhelmed notion.  Not facing my fears.  Ihave been doing that for years but with the windhorse It is a much deeper notion and exploration.
I have 2 million dollars, why two then I already have one.  I love what I do.   Mainly it is allowing my given power out.   Really that is all that it is.   People want to be around me,  They enjoy experiencing my quite peaceful presence,  All things get done without worry or doubt.  No need to judge or put  garbage out.  No garbage out and none in.  I love my pintentions....

I I I dedicate my life to this life.   I dedicate this life to experiencing a full potential possibility.   I haven't blogged in a really really long time.  I haven't made the time or felt the interest.  I love pinterests and I love living in living color.   I want to put my light in this blog. I don't know how to upload one more picture without all of these coming with it.  It's OK.  It is all a dream,  The question am I awake in my own dream?
What is my dream?  What is my wish fulfilled look like?  Is this it?  Am I being everything I can be?  Am I trusting myself and believing in myself?  Am I creating the life I was intended to live? How do I keep living the life that I want to live?   Am I trusting?  Am I grounded in unlimited possibilities without getting overwhelmed?  Windhorse will be with me now and tomorrow.  Thank you!!

Day Off

T

This is Buddha Cowboy!!!

Hello,  I really love to do a blog the day I have a private lesson.  While I am waiting for the person to come.  They are going to be late and that is just fine with me.  Hey what is up there......  I have had a kind of out of body afternoon. Being dressed in full outdoor clothes in the house.  I keep falling and knocking things over  I have big fat baby boots on right jeans 2 tight shirts a scarf.  I love the way it looked when I got back from looking good to go to costco.  What is today about. I am liking dressing nice.  I cleaned the wall's in the kitchen.  For nobody but me.  Not for Gary.   I remember being so uptight getting ready for Gary to come home.  Things have really really changed in me since then.  I am sober to many things in life now.  I still get some kind of anxiety but not like I used too.  I live my own life now in our house.  I don't stop doing what I do.  I want to get an EXpressions proposal, business plan ready and also just a flyer I can send to spiritual centers around.  I want to travel and do Expressions in different states. Thank you for this.  I am a Budda Biker.  Thank you very much.   love ya all...  I truly am filled up with something.  I have been exploring pleasing and anger and my past.   I am exhausted.  I just want to be quiet Buddha biker.  Emotionally challenged right now.

Day Fantastic

what does that mean?   Well, I got it again.  After things get weird, I realized that I just made it all up. I have no control over anything except my thoughts on things.  Something happens that is brand new and I react like a tape recorder.  I am paying attention to that and not doing that, but living in the moment with love and respect and determination.   Determination.  I got it.  I can and am everything that I ever thought I could be right now and there is no stopping me.  The bullys, the demons,  the boogie men that I thought had me in their grasp.  HA,  they are gone,  they were made up, there is no one here right now telling me anything but myself knowing I am it.!!   I am light, I am goodness, I am gentle kindness, I am all.  I am beauty , I am for all. I dedicate my life to being transparent, judgement free, acceptance.   There is no one out there to rescue me.  I am that I am.   Love me

Day Expressions

EXPRESSIONS    and a Private class

I am excited to say that I am having a private lesson today with a young lady / Now I am having a little Expressions party with the girls at work.  Some of them can't come and it makes me very sad as it was like I was young and my friends couldn't come very much.  Well I didn't have any friends until my neighbors became my best  friends.   I don't even keep track of them anymore.

Only two people showed up.  I thought maybe only one would show up.  No I cannot believe that no one came.  I am not upset, we had a great time. I know that the store is falling apart and their lives are way more  important than their commitments.  That is what I feel.  I was so sad like when I didn't have any friends in grade school.

We had pesto salmon and Halloween cake.  What a great deal.  I learned that this house will be really awesome to have stuff like this more.    This works.   I am this.  This is good.  This is happiness.

It is all good.

Day hot and august

Day of Septembers last

Hello, great land of the world.  I am here to announce the wonderful acting class that is starting tomorrow.  Why am I doing this?   I am a great marketer and I have a great group of kids.  What has been going on with me.   I refuse to allow outside people to change my aspect of life or my goals, I am full of love and determination.  Yes, determination.
I have 3 schools up and going by 2014.  I think one in Corvallis and maybe Medford.  Or Ashland.
where do you think I should have them.  I ride for women.   I love and sing for women.  I have no idea how tomorrow will go.  I have to make sure not to allow the childrens likes or unlikes to drive my way of doing things.  I ask for help from the worldly universally energy.   I command that the best for all will be had through this class that has the intention of helping others help themselves.  What fun is that,  it is all the best fun.  Thank you I am so grateful for all of the rewards for all.  Thank you.

Day Summer love

That is what I said.  Summer Love.  I haven't wanted to leave the property except to go to the local grocery store and give the dog a walk.  All is quiet right now and I am not sure if I am being lazy or simply being.  The things that I have been getting ready for are almost over and I thought I need more to do.   I have so much to do for what I want to do before I go.  I really must take each day and see it as near the last.  I am not afraid as I am not ill that I know of but I haven't been free from myself before and I am that now in most moments.  So what if I do crafts.  Get over the words...OKs.   I am an artist.   I got turned down today to have my photos in the gallery or in the store in Newport.   I feel very sad about that.  Oops.  I don't really fell bad,  I could but I don't  Now I want another place to put them in.....I get it.  I got over it.   I have it in the perfect store/gallery and I am so grateful.

Day New

I am typing in bed.  blogging in bed.  Never take my computer away from it's holder.   I have got to do new things.  my body is hungry.  I need more and more and more learning and creating and doing.  I need to be around more and more people.  I give my gifts, I create my gifts.  I am I am I am.
  I am awake in my dream.   2 million it has to be 2 because then I already have one.  That is such fun.  I have art in gallerys, I sell moss, I sing and play and sell songs and I am in front of people all the time being.  I am being awake in my dream.  

I can not allow anyone to take that away from me.  Not even myself.  Our mind is like chicken wire.  It has big holes in it. 
Thoughts come in and out.  but if you are chicken you can't get out of the pen.   I am not chicken. I love chicken wire and I create magnificent things with it.

I have such vivid dreams that I wake up with the emotional hangover from them.  Sometimes not wanting to wake up. Sleeping is one of my great escapes.  writing on the computer and having a wonderful breeze come in the window is a brand new experience.  And I am really taking to this being so portable.

While awake in this dream I love many things.  My guitar, my cowboy boots, bunny, Cooper, my yoga matt, my cushion I meditate on.  My patio with the firepit.  I love my digital camera and working on the camera to make unusual effects.  I love my computer especially now that it can go anywhere with me.  HA.   I knew that. but just never did it.   I can email and look up things from here, what a great great deal.  Wireless,  Is this the first time I have thought of that.  HA.    good night.

Day before Expressions

I am asking for the universal abundance energy to guide me and allow me to get through the day tomorrow with the highest regard. for everyone.  I want to give the best workshop that I can and I have to run and give a performance also.I wanted to sell stuff, play music, do lots and lots of stuff that I am not doing.  And why?   Did I not do it fast enough?  Did I change my attitude with the world being like it is and my input on that.   NO  I refuse to allow bad news, bad talk to stop me give my gifts to all.  Thank you...love me

Day Ocean

What does that mean?  Oh a Heading is cool!! is this a new font.  why yes it is.  Inever messed with any of that stuff.   Nobody reads this anyway.  That is OK...actually that is Cool,  cuz then I can write anything that I want.  HA HA HA...Now I am trying some cool stuff.  Let;s see what else I can do.what does this look like.  kind of cool too.what does this do.  well i could just do this all day.  oh everything changed.  

this will change things. well. So let us get back to some normalcy here.  I am at the beach and it is good. The first day that I actually haven't had stomach pains.  So I am happy.  living in the moment.  Feeling I can do anything. and when you find what you were meant to do you feel awesome.  I don't want to die right now while I am feeling good.
I kind of thought once that if you felt too good it would be time to die.  I can actually sit and watch people and know I feel good.  I used to watch people and wondered, how could they be so happy.  I had no concept of how to have a day where I didn't feel like shit.  Drunk or not drunk it didn't matter.  It wasn't the booze.  It was the illusion of suffering that I lived in.  Now I refuse to live like that.  I don't want to live if I feel self hate anymore.   I want to share with everyone that they too can feel good.  Have an open heart and do the things that they want to do and make a million dollars, like me.  I am not waiting.  There are laugh clubs, laugh yoga and I want to have Expressions to be everywhere and for everyone.  Like a workout.   Franchise my dream.  yes, my dream.  I am Expressions.  I am love, I am a giant, I am a double millionaire. I am it all.  Thank you.www.infocusacting.com  
this will help you to be with me on my journey.  All ages.   love to all me

Day of Monday

This is so fun.  I have worked all day to get my business and my projects up and going.  Wow.  what a challenge and what a great opportunity to learn so much stuff.  I am so excited.  This million and owning my own business that becomes a franchise is one of the most exciting things in my life.  The book or workbook that goes with IN FOCUS and Expressions are in the works.  This million makes two million and on and on.  For my son to not be left with our debt but with a fortune that he deserves.  This love to you and to all this lovely monday. 

Day something else

Grieving,  wondering why we don't love when people are near.  Finding a friend is going away and I realize I have never accepted her talent, her beauty and her focus on the change in this plain.  I have been abusive of a relationship, selfish.  Very selfish.  I am saddened by the news of her leaving Veneta and moving away.   I feel as if I am loosing a very close friend even thou I didn't act on it when she was here.  I guess she would always be here.   Spirit be with her in love.  Expand the love everywhere.  Never stand in the darkness for long.   I won't.  Love more

Day something Saturday

This is an explosion of noise, right now.   wow all the tvs are on and i am not quiet or peaceful.  Stuffing my mouth.  love the million, then the next this is all good.   take this life and love it...good things for this......

Day 168 shine

I am a millionaire and I am on the cusp of another million.  This game of life is the very best ever.  I am playing these days.  I gave up and lived the small life like I was raised to be and that is not what  I really wanted,  but I didn't know any different.  I was squashed and very saddened about loosing my god, my spirit, my soul, my meaning and loving here on earth.  The earth school brought me to where I am now and I sing hallalula to it all.   I feel better than I ever have.  I re fuse to allow outside energy to stop me, make me stop what I create, of course I am open to all but I will not shut down for anything.  That is not what I am here for.  If I put you off, I am so so sorry.  And if you don't like me I don't care.  I cannot take care of you or make your life better.   I am me, I am strong I am love, I am kindness, I am generious, I am warm and compassionate and I love you.   But I will not be surrounded by negative energy and take it on.   I really don't enjoy being around it all the time.  I quit that job.  Genius, power and magic flow through me when I allow it.  When I know what I truly am.  I am energy living in this vehicle and I am enjoying it.  What a great idea to put us in bodys.  I ride for all women.  Freda Amelia.   I have a motorcycle right now I just am not sure where it is.   I ride my motorcycle for women.  For peace and power of woman.  The love that they are.  The way they create this world and make it a better place is worth celebrating.  Yes,  Womans day, not Mothers day.
But womans day.....I celebrate and ride.   I love my next million and my next.  I will give it to needy people and my son.  I love leaving a dynasty. Grateful is what I live in.  Thank you.  Health, love, gratitude,vitality, service,creativity,compassion, relationships, I will work on relationships.  I need to get out my prison on that.  And so it is.   I am sober in love. 

Day 141 living outside

I must not have finished this.   I have been outside and it is more than awesome.  I really live in the moment.  That is the way of  the Lord God myself as it is.  This is the way I feel right now.    I am OK.

Day Don't know

I haven't written for quite a while.  I have been busy arranging my life for the new room of abundance, successful business and sharing who I am with the world.  The million dollar lady.  I am so excited to be who I am.  I feel everyone wanting to listen to what I say because I say things they know and forgot.  This is all so so good and I feel it and know it.  I ride for all woman/.  I am so so excited.  Thank you.  I have to be able to do this and feel this good with Hubby home.   And so it is.........

Day 118 It is time

It is time to grow up and face the wonderful universe with my ideas and my love and my trust.  Everything is possible.  I am not attached.  I am the universal child that has clear direction and Ideas.  I am interesting and motivated and clearly a winner.  I will. I am....thank you.

Day 117 April

If this one famous person people might want to hear what I have to say.  Paris Hilton.  etc.  But no, I am a person that love to create and would love to make money doing it.   Helping people and being compassionate.
But I am not famous.

Day 113 Create

A very very great day of moving from one thing to another thing and enjoying almost every minute of it.  I felt the background of my mind this morning. I recognized it.  That is what was so great.  I want another background.  I truly don't need that sadness and unjoyful world.  And yes it was 78 degrees today.  I got some sun.  I made a water feature.  i frames some of my photos.  I cleaned out 3 drawers. painted.  Did laundry, painted. read. looked at magazines.  Wow,  I even did more than that.  It was a very fulfilling day.  Yet, I haven't sang or played my guitar.  

Day 107 Who knows

I i  I i  the big I.  the little i  The big I is the  I in I am.   which is as some say God, as some say higher self, I lives inside me and is made of all,  all things are possible because   I,  It was given to me while quiet.  I am a new person compared to a year ago.  I i am healing, sober and live a different way.  It is my intent to keep going in this wonderful direction.  money, opportunities and all.

Day 106 Sun gone

A little sad as the sun didn't follow throught with the days promise.   Many great things are here with me and I simply have to trust and trust everyday.  And remember my intent to be the best me I can ever ever be.  Cheating myself is cheating the world.  Lying is cheating myself also.  I am the only one I have to answer too.  The big I came to me today.  I am the little i but there is a big I that is all, it is all I can be and all I want to be.  And All.  i connected with the big I today.  it is not ourside of me,  It is me and evberything else in this world.
Love, money health, love gratitude, money is good too.

Day 105 yard

What a great great day.  I can't even believe how great it is outside and how that makes me feel.  I even kissed my husband more that once.  what is up with me.  I visualized a new man and it was a new me that I needed.
Well that is today.  Let us see how tomorrow ans the next day goes.  I have to trust that I will be finding a young man for the reading next week.   I am money, I am free, I am love, I am peace, I am energetic, I am the sun and the moon.   I love   and all is good.  I trust.

Day 99 Is it

Is it me or do things seem to not go my way.   I have had some of the best days ever.  I mean my soul is congruient with my life.  I am in love with myself  ina healthy way.   Irefuse to give that up for anyone.  What is haredest is nothing.  I will keep going, I know I am worthy and have much to give to many and I will do that.  Yes I will.   I will use my little girl for Creative Kidz.  I want to give to people any thread of hope that they may not have.  ever.  Let us love eacj other.  I will not allow anyone to knock me down again.  I don't need that.  I will let it pass by and allow the love to move us.  I love money.   I love giving money.  I ride.  I love to ride.  Thank you love to all.

Day 98 Spring

I feel spring for the first time.  The smell, the feel, the awesomeness of that.  I am getting organized and it is frustrating.  I am learning how to declutter and it is frustrating.  It is overwhelming when you are right in the middle of it.  IT is like in the middle of a break up or a loss or a divorce.  Maybe not as bad as that.  IT is seperation from who I truly am and what I believed myself to be. crazy. Who ever walks, talks and lives this path it is the most exciting and satisfying life ever yet it is sometimes walking on fiery coals and that is not something we really want to do but to challenge ourselves and how we have been manipulated and programmed we have to step out, stand up and shout,  get Angry, say fuck you.  You don't know me. YOu don't know what I am capable of,  You You You aren't going to rule my life any more.  To reach the people we have to talk to them in a way that they understand and the way they see things, like in the magazines and media.  NOt that we give them more rubbish about how things make you happy, and if you look like this you will be loved.  And all the hidden government scandals but the internet is how people get the their information and we have information for the masses so we can tip that scale of peace over war.  Love over hate, and feat.  It is only love and fear.  All human want the same things and yet we will not bond over the sameness, we fight over the differences.  We can celebrate everyone with love and embrace their cultures and learn form them.
 Maybe I need to get more serious about blogging.  OR NOT!!!!

Day 97 change

Yes, change.  And what is that change.  Well, there are may things that I am changing and many things I am living and feeling.  And creating.  How about I create that million dollar baby for you.  I am an Idea person turing into a promoter, an early adapter, intuitive healer and visionary, a leader in this world.  This time in my life I am seeing my ideas coming alive through other people.   It is my time to go further with my ideas I don't believe people are doing right now.  Like Expressions and Creative Kidz.  Yes, my babies and I do see others doing kind of those ideas. Smart ideas.   I come to your school after class is over and I have creative kidz, I don't have an overhead price and I get paid.  Love ya.  Billions are pretty common now.  We are abundant.  I bought stuff today.  Yes I did.  I need to find my receipt/

Day 96 who knows

I don't know how many days it is into this year.  I thought it would be so easy to know.  But I get lost in the days.  I have been getting rid of many many things and it hasn't even budged much.  I am getting rid of more and more and as I do this I m becoming larger and larger in the universe with loving power.  I have 2 or three events that I am finding fun to get together and they are for myself also.  My vision isn't quite totally clear right now but I am working on it and with all the support I am giving and getting it is the perfect thing for me.  I see how people are making money with their great ideas on Shark tan and I am one of the next to build those franchises.  What a wonderful world we live in opportunity and monies at every turn.I am so grateful, I am saddened by the lack I have been living in.  I have no attachment for the outcome because who cares.  I need to be helping the world.  I ask for the vision of art to heart,  Creative Kidz and Expressions.  All combined together under the umbrella of Art to Heart.  That is about love.   Love it forward.  Ambassadors of Love. I am getting my inspiration as I write this.  This is the time for this to arrise for everyone.  Not just artists.  thank you.

Day 95 working

Working tomorrow for 12 hours and I can do it.  I am proud of myself and my love ethic.   Love Love Love.   Just not sure why I am eating so much   Tomorrow when I weigh myself I won't feel very good about it.
lOve anyway.    me

Day 94 Shine

Shine, on baby shine.  Here we go, One day of sunshine and the hearts fly high.   I am high on life and I shine.
So there.  Love, Life, Laughter  jo jo

Day 93 More

I will catch up on my site here.  I changed my life 2 years ago by blogging so I really know this works.  I love money, I am one with money and abundance in every way.  I used to not be able to think of money in a good way.  I think it is a great way.  And the authentic power to combine personality and soul.  To live what you are wanting.  No wanting simply being.  The feeling of the power, organization, promo, support for all, let's get it going everyone. I am living, knowing the million is there.  The million, that grows and grows and so many benefit from the joy of sharing, being, giving and receiving, loving and creating as God wanted.   For god sake we are here to be the one, the ones we were meant to be.   I am so grateful, so so grateful.

Day 92 Is this the day

I did miss another day.  I didn't want to be caught up in the nothingness blog which I do do that sometimes.  This is about the other side of nothing.   The year before last I wrote everyday about a safe place to create and I made that for me.  Now what?  I am the newness of this creativity.  I am the giver of creativity.  I am abundant in goodness.  I am goodness in abundance.  I am sharing this creativity to the world and giving the gift of abundance to all.  Millions of dollars is for everyone.  Millions of smiles are for everyone. Millions of stars are for everyone.  Let the light of abundance shine on you.   Live in that feeling.  Not attached just right now feel it.  I ride for all.  I ride my motorcycle for everyone.  I ride with Cooper from town to town and share the love with all.  The possibilities with all.  I have a great connection.  The world is changing.   Oprah is changing the world and it will tip.  More and more normal everyday tv watching people are getting to hear how to change their lives.  How to be in the world.   Tell yourself the truth.

DAy 90 This week

A blog is a blog is a log ia a blog. I suppose I am supposed to cook a dinner now.  After eating too much,   I am abundant. I am rich, I am.  I am a positive living now.  thanks.

Day 89 Don't know

Went to the ocean and do you want to know the truth, we did about 10 things I don't enjoy.  But that is OK.
We rode in the car, I ate too much, we stayed in the room (I had a few great moments) Then we layed on the bed and watched 3 hours of tv.  I really have blocked my life out.  What I would really want to do, or is that really impossible to be around positive people. that want to create and sit in the quiet and walk and read great books,,etc.  What am I?   I am?  this is always a great thing.

Day 88 End

OK. the end of home for a couple of days we are going to the Ocean while it will rain all day and night.  Cooper will be with Linda Lee.   The end.  I cleaned a house, had two meetings and I am a little tired.  So there.

Day 87 Where

Where am I?  Am I stuck in some vortex of time.  I can't keep up with the days.  I am going going going gone.
I lost some days. This is so weird.  I am waiting and wasting time and it still went by.  I am stuck right now in another warp of not dealing with reality or what is in the moment or what.  Cooper usually is a pretty good gage and he is out of sorts.  Gary has a headache.  We are just letting our lives pass us as if they were going to last forever.  This life isn't. I have trouble feeling my own energy with others in the house.  I ask for help.  I can easily make 1,000,000,000 I know it is there for the asking.  May I ask.  Yes, I may.  Universe of abundance, I know this is possible. I want clear guidance to this incredible, exciting reality in my life.  It is not a dream, not a fantasy, not living in my bubble.  This is in my DNA.  This is and has been a knowing inside me.  I told Cheri years ago.  I told Mona years ago.  Let's make a million dollars.  It is possible.  I still believe that.  Clear guidance, actions, compassion, love connection, power.  And so it is.  I am so excited, I feel the energy of this abundance, I breathe  it, my blood flows from my heart pumping this divine destiny.  The doubts are exposed as false, not the truth of who I am, of who we are.  With this I flow in this day with unlimited potential, unlimited energy, and full of what it is I am made of.  Basic goodness, compassion for all, freedom to be the who I am.  I am asking clearly, directly and with the love of my heart.I want a million dollars.  I release all fear and receive this abundance with love and my gratfulness fills my hearts and all the hearts I can support with their dreams. Thank you , thank you, thank you.  My heart is overcome with gratefulness.  And with this abundance I willbuild an empire of abundance for many. Thank you.

Dat 85 All Day

Worked longer than usual.  I made it and it was ok.   I have some more days off and I am liking that.  I am developing ideas in my head....thanks.....love me

Day 82 Story

Stories have been around since the grunting and groaning times I hear.  So I declare stories are stories, they are not good or bad they are a way that we can learn.  That is now Buddha pass down the teachings of all the Buddhas before them.  I do not know what I say.  I started to design my poster or my brochure or my book, or booklet.  I have a very clean design in mind.  I have a design that can be seen and recognized from.  I do not know what I say.   I keep saying that.  Good night and I have to work for a really really long time tomorrow but I have had 2 whole days off that were surprises.  And now that is awesome.     Love me  I am going to go listen to a story called Money Ball.  Tell me good luck.  OK...thanks....

Day 81 How?

How did I loose so many days?  I thought I was keeping track of all the days.   Well, surprise snow day and it was fun.  Just quiet and catching up on magazines etc.  hubby, cooper andme. stayed warm, ate, snuggled. everything you do on snow days.   Cooper loves the snow......No electricity for over 10 hours and that was even awesomer.  Love me

75 Fearless

I am doing this for the world not for me.  I am doing this to move the energy from fear to love.  I am doing this for compassion, fun, light and love.  Thank you universe for this challenge, no for this opportunity.  I better practice my routine...love me...

Day 75 What?

That is what I say What?  I am having trouble sleeping because life is so great.  I paint and finished my picture, I sang, started a new song late last night.  Anyway this is awesome.  I am watching the voice and dancing with the stars.   trying to keep up with both.  I have a performance  tomorrow and people are coming and I really don't want to get nervous.  How can I   I had wonderful moments during the day of connection like nothing else.  I did that last night with my singing also.  A new place to go to create.  I want more of that.  More of me. More of me.  Yes,  Tomorrow I just haves to have fun and not worry about being funny.  Just be myself.  I don't care if I forget something.  I really don't want to forget my parts though,  I won't.  I will keep on going. Yeah

Day 74 Intimate

Being intimate with oneself.  Am I being self indulgent or focusing on what I love.  Here is the cover for my children s book We're all made of the Same Stuff.  It is a song I wrote and now it is a sketch coloring book with the lyrics.  Thank you wise universe that is bigger than me.  I don't know where I came up with the idea and I went through fear to paint this.  Maybe some of the fear is the size of this picture it is my largest one to date.  And it cost a lot to buy the canvas and I was scared that I would just screw it up.  It is in the making and I like taking a picture of it and not seeing all the goofs that I made.  But I did it.  I a seeing how I stop myself by thinking I am taking care of myself.  All the meditation and wather and quiet time.  I am not out spreading my energy everywhere.  do I have to do that to get what I want.  Do I know what I want.  My soul is loving the creating and my body and mind have been stopping be out of fear.  Fear of letting my light shine.  Fear of being happy more that a moment.  Because I could die when I get too happy.  What a hoot.  Speaking of hoot I have to practice my comic set for Tuesday.  I am so grateful and feel good about getting this done and going past the fear.  I love it...thank you.

dAY 73 STUFFING

stuffing my stomache.  Don't really want to but I am.  Something I am hungry for and I don't know what it is.  Want a drink, want to be comforted, self medicated, something.  Can't really put a name on it.  I now have to stop all of this eating.  Please help me to figure out what I am hungry for.  I am not motivated.  I just want to go to bed.  I don't pick up my guitar, I don't paint, or write.  Was I overwhelmed.  I did practice my comedy scene.  I hurt fell and hurt my rib cage.  It hurt.  I will live and I am glad.  OK let us get something together.
love m

Day 72 Late

Home late from work.  Do you care?  I want to write what you would care about.  Who will you meet today that will change your life?  I am taking a look at my life and how I do things.  I have more that 20 things going on and if I just focused on one thing just think How awesome that could be.  So what about you?  Well, it is late and I am going to stop this conversation on here but I will keep it up in life.

Day 71 Inspired

I spent money and went to a networking teaching event.  I wanted to hear what she had to say.  Her and I connected.  It was the kind of connection that I want and love.  It has the spirit of our souls and hearts.  I really am getting that I am that.  I don't have time for the drama and crap.  At least that is my  take on it.   I want to give up my old ability to drop into a pit and replace it with the love, respect, self acceptance.  I was called a visionary today.  And I am.  I am finally finding the labels that feel correct for who I am.  I have never been able  find where I fit in this world.  Another one was an early adopter.  I love it.  I have found an intuitive healer is also myself.  Why do we have to get so old to have enough guts to get out and be who we are and how to shares that.  How to sober up to the reality that you want to experience now with the clearest mind you can have.  Maybe the older mind isn't all that clear.   Will I get started and then stop again.  Will I become attached to the results, NO.  Thank you and let us move on.  She wants me to do more of her classes before she sees me as a partner.  That is OK.  I don't know whether I will be able to do her next and next and next workshops. I have other things to put my money into.  Anyway.   Let us have a wonderful night full of fantastic Ideas and feelings.  Thank you...

Day 70 Fragile

Yes, life is fragile and I don't want to worry or doubt when I can be here right now and enjoy this moment.  I want to keep this going, this feeling of living in the moment.  Loving and accepting myself, funny or not funny.

Day 69 Monday

Yes, it is  Monday and I really did change everything I was going to do because of doing things with hubby.  We got new tires and lots of stuff at Costco.  So that was fun.  I still had time to work on my comedy this evening.  I made a great dinner and I am feeling a little weird these last few days.  Like physical.  I wouldn't want to die or have some kind of disease.  I want to move on and do stuff.  Lots of stuff.  I have done quite a few new things recently.  A battle with myself.  I am doing things and at the same time doing if for all mankind and I don't even know how that works.  I am stretching myself for others.  I have to do that somehow.  For some reason.  HOT FLASH was for that ...for others.  My comedy is for others to step out and get out of their own fear factors.   That is me.......love, laughter, light l i n d a Jo Jo

Day 68 Cleaning Up

I cleaned up all day to get ready for Gary.  Well after I went to a silk screen class.  I loved it.  I made my first image on a t shirt.  I want to  do more... then I cleaned the house to get ready for hubby to get home......

Day 67 Saturday Art

There are many things that I have done this week or couple of weeks that I have never done before.  I took a screen printing class and I did my first print.  I am so excited.  It is something that I want to keep doing.  I want to sell t shirts with my own original images.  Maybe even for other people.  I went to Mopan, I helped with the Womans retreats.  I talked to people about my Web series.  I talked about AR to Heart in the winery.  I have tackled many ideas of my own.  Many creations of my own.   Tonight hubby comes home and I really have to keep my energy.  I will not give myself up any more for anyone.  OK  Cooper has to get ready for Gary too but how dies he do that.  I have to get over it.  I eas really a little overwhelmed this morning and noticed it and need to really stop when I loose myself.  When his energy or what he says gets to me.  I refuse to be lost.
So there.

dAY 66 wow

Learning things that I never ever knew.  Don't know if they are true or not.   How the world is working and I had no idea.   A police state.  Controlling the weather.  Using weather as a weapon.  I tried to stay away from these conversations but I need to know more about what people are hearing.  I don't want to be totally out of the loop.  Living in La La land....  I do want to do that but this world is my world and I have an imprint in it.
What do I want that to look like?

Day 66 Can't Make Me

I don't want to blog  But I am cuz I said I would every day.  I reallly had a long day and I have eaten too much but I learned alot and I had fun at work and what else.  I gained 3 lbs. and I don't like that and I saw how that really made me crazy.  My mind does crazy crazy stuff doing that food thing.  I let go of it.  I said that can't happen anymore and it didn't/.  I am brain dead but Cooper needs to stay up for a while.

Day 65

What will I say today.  I worked for a health clinic today and did blood pressure manually on 33 people.  So that is always fun.  I get 20 an hour.  I got tired of course, then felt weird of course then got ready and felt good.  That is just the way it is these days    I feel good then I feel weird.   My body is doing very very well though.  My brain or self love has wavered lately and it is a full moon.  A beautiful beautiful full moon.
Have a great evening and get some good good sleep and really love yourself.  Hubby is coming home soon, so get ready for that....love me

Day 64 Hi

I really really had a hard day,  I felt I was 5 years old and I had to get up and get humiliated in front of everyone.  I didn't know if anything was funny or not.   People started laughing so I got on a role.  I really had a great thing with the audience, and that is what I wanted more than anything.  I did it, i did it   I knew I could do it if I got over the fear.  But I didn't know if my stuff was funny.  People laughed, and I was in my body and I moved and had a personality.  This is one thing I have always wanted in my life.  Thank you God

Day63 Forgot

Did I forget yesterday.   Did I not live yesterday?  Was I too busy yesterday to remember my blog.  I blog you blog everybody blogs blogs.  I blog you blog everybody blog blog....blah blah blah..    I am working into a creative space. I am singing my blog. cuz I get dull and depressed and fight the creative process. I create and I destroy I am big and I am small and I am all all all.  This is my song today. the blog song blah blah blah blah blog.  I have to write a comic bit.  I think I am sick.  The dog ate it  .
The rain destroyed it it froze and the devil vomited on it  The end.

Day 62 Sunny

This day of sun really gets the flow going.  I talked to many people today.  Well, 2 phone calls out and one in.  These really were great because they were moving me forward to a group of people that can work together and make things happen.
How does that sound.?  I am focusing on how that felt.  It made me feel awesome to connect in a creative way.  I have a vision for a winery, I have people that I want to support for this event and then My web series.
I know it is for the Boomers.  Maybe that is what it could be called. Boomers.  I have it Re Tired.  But we are too young for that.  I think the Boomers may be a way better name, we want people to watch.  How do we get that out.  How do we get the masses of the Boomers.   Well, I feel good about what I did today.  Focus on the good.  Not what you didn't do.  Right?  Right!

Day 63 Enjoy

This spring thing is making me feel awesome.  The weather is like 60 and the birds and the flowers think it is spring.  It gives me a feeling inside that I can't describe.  Then my brain went to those poor people that got their homes destroyed by tornado's.  That is weather driven and that would be so scarey.  I heard a big jet go over the other night when I was in the hot tub and I really saw how the end could happen any second.  It is that simple like one of our breaths and we could be gone.  An instant the whole world could change and with that fear it is hard to think of going on or going in the car or going outside or being alive.  We have to trust and be whole.  Trust that we are taken care of and things still happen and we will go on.  The word I chose for today was Enjoy and I went to deep tragedy.  So the link between those are that we need to enjoy every minute that we can and get off our worry horse.  I am grateful right now and I release clinging on the the good feeling.  Because that is trap within itself.  Just living in the moment with gratitude no matter what is going on is accepting life and what it brings. 

Day 62 Off early

What a really great thing to get off early on a sunny day.   I just ran out and spent money.  That is not what I really wanted to do.  Then I ate because I spent so much.  It is just a circle.  It is me not being in the moment and making a change and doing instead of buying...  I am taking the night off of getting down on myself.  Buy more stuff, eat more stuff.   Make less money.  Well, that is not what I am doing..  There is nothing wrong with me and all my stuff.  What do I want?  I am moving toward that.  What you focus on is what you  get.   I am working on moving forward, living in the abundance of our creative life.  Thank you so so so so much.

Day 61 Conceptual

Conceptual age.  That is now.  I am a right brainer.  Yeah>>>>>This is me now.  The news is in a new book called a new brain.  I think I may get that book.   I came to the deduction this morning that I am tired of just creating, I want to get my brain and Ideas out there in such a great great powerful way.  Thank you.
Tony Robbins said when you can't stand it any more is when you change.  And I am at that point.  I have to make new brain waves.  New ruts in my brain.  New power in my body.  New voice coming out.  Powerful and in Tune.  This is awesome.....I am going to listen more to this man on Oprah.  Now I am going to get the book.  I am focusing on the great things that I did today.  And the ones I will tomorrow.  And the things I will still do tonight. I realized there is really nothing wrong with me.  There isn't.....Yeah!!!  How about you?

Day 60 Power

It is the 60th day of the year.  I am 60 years old.   I need to have more power.  I need to know how to ground my energy and get things done.  I can do things for others so I have to learn to do it for me.  Can I?  I can do things for others,  I take risks for others etc.  I have to take risks for me.  What is next.  I am looking for Power. Is that what I need?  How do I learn to do that?  Help me.

Day 59 Buying

I really realized that I always want to buy something to make me feel a certain way.   And even if I have a project that I want to do I will buy something to go with that project and never do it.  What is up with that.   It really is a point of awareness.  I want a motor cycle and why I really want one is the way it makes me feel.  Can I feel like that without the cycle?  I have bought many a notebook for a new project.  And forgot what the project was and go buy at least 2 or more notebooks for the same project.  I love to buy.  It has been a habit from many years ago.  That is why we want a bigger house, a cooler car, a new outfit.  Because it may make you feel a certain way for a little while.  I wanted to buy many things today for my new bathroom to make it feel the way I want it to feel.  buying buying buying.   I will notice this habit.  I will do something else instead of that habit for a while.   I stopped drinking because it wasn't very good for my life.  This buying isn't any better for my life than drinking.  I buy clutter and get rid of clutter,  I am a behind the door clutterer but most people have got to see my clutter lately.  I guess that is a good thing.  I am not hiding it any more.   Let us be free like the motorcycle makes me feel.  Thank you...

Day 58 Yuck

I feel Yuck.  I really wanted this day to be a great day.  I feel like puking.  I hate everyone and I don't feel I have done anything for me.  OK I feel better after eating with my son for my birthday dinner.  I feel better after watching the Voice.  And what is weird I really want to put my song on the computer as I just learned how to do that the other night, but the TV is addicting.  I use it as an excuse.  I really want to get in the hot tub too, but I can't miss the singing on this night.   Love ya.....me

Day 57 Oscars

Birthday for my sister and the scars.  What a great day.  Cooper and I had a blast this morning we got along great.  He went to the Center with me and we had a really special time and he didn't whine.  I have been eating too much in the excitement of all.  I had two or three things that I definitely wanted to do today and I didn't get them done, mainly because I ran out of time.  No I was watching the red carpet.  I still have time to do some of the stuff.  Like the dishes.  I will keep the blog going while the Oscars are going and while I catch up with some of the things that I wanted to do today. Still going and I am doing different things while I watch.    Commercials are important.  wow, I saw a shot of people I didn't recognize and I thought to myself that they were nobodys.  Now that was a shocker even to myself.  I still have those kinds of thoughts.  They weren't anyone famous. Now they are almost over and it really isn't that late.  I guess I could try and get some of my own projects off the ground.  I guess doing what you love and never worrying about it gets you an academy awards.  Do what you love.  Well I did that and look where that got me.  It isn't to late to make a big comeback.  I need to change my state of mind.  I am feeling kind of lethargic and done with the night as the Oscars are over.  I get worried about my time and what I do with my time and the house and my projects and what will happen tomorrow the same as today and what about my scripts, my songs, my pictures.   On and On..... monkey mind is going crazy.  I need white paint to  start my picture.  I need my voice to sing my song on my computer.
Well I had better go and get my state of mind going...love.......me

Day 56 Focus

What are you Focused on?  I am going to follow that rule.   Work on it anyway. I have said I have given up on the simply believing you are going to get something because I think the plan the action and the movement towards what you want.  Determination and maybe hard work.  I am working hard and I would like to expand on the rewards.  Thanks..... A great night.  Sang good today also.  Letting go of these sadness attacks.  Crying like a baby.  And it is clearing me up...Love it.

Day 55 Work

Enough already.....I am tired of working.  I am wondering why the money isn't as glorious as I thought it would be.  I may see if I can get a different job.  I love my job but why not change it up.  I thought I might want to work for a graphic artists.   Let us see about that.  I came up with an idea this morning that I have made all the choices that got me here and I really didn't do them very consciously or going inside to see what I felt about a long term effect.  What if I had had a plan and was determined and stuck with it,  And had the money to do that.   I did make it to be on TV and movies and that is what I worked so hard to do.  But I had the money to spend at that time for that kind of intense workshops.  No going back.  Looking back and deciding what I liked about what I did and what I want to do different and to move forward with new information.  Why wallow is self pity or self loathing.  I give that up.  Yeah!!!

Day 54 Sang

Yes, Sang.  I had a huge breakthrough this morning.   During my Buddhist meditation on a cushion I explored my body sensations and got hooked up with the deep deep sounds that I have never made, and the shadow that I believed that was inside of me, it came out in a kind of strange gibberish like a foreign language.  You hide from pain and this was deep pain.  It was deep fear, it is my deep cough and it is a deep true singing voice.  Or my vocal capacity.  I sang in the car like I have never sang before.  i sang from a whole new place.  Whole, it sounded whole and connected and in tune, powerful, expressive and my perfect voice.   I crave it.  I am afraid I will never sing like it again.
It is all on the journey of my life and expression.   I was studying my voice again, on my own, by reading books and freeing up and finding new placements for my voice.  This then I got Adeles CD and I sang with it and found a deeper voice a more powerful voice inside me sometimes.   I loved it.  Adele is like a singing god to me sent to me only to help nurture my voice, my expression, my vocal output.  I believe these things all happened in alignment.  I haven't told anyone else but it is my deep feeling on this.  To connect to what I gave up years ago and to find it in the 2nd day after my 60th birthday is such a gift.  I am so so grateful and will seek to re capture this expression for myself and then share it with the world.  This was my greatest desire as a child.  To be a front person.  To sing, to talk to the crowd, to express myself through my voice. Thank you, I appreciate the shortest of moments to learn to give this gift that I have been given and the gift that I had hidden all my life.

Day 53 Now What

I left a part of me at the ocean.  I have asked to leave that part many times in my life.  The part that doubts me, that won't stand up for herself.  Anything like that. The great great ocean and spa along with a night without much sleep lead to a picture of a shadow of me walking towards the wild waves and leaving me.  I have always been like two people, I thought it was special to be so broken and hiding in my own self pity.  Well, that isn't what I am thinking now.  I must have lived the life that I was supposed to live.  That is hard for me to say.  We create our own reality well, where is my dreams and aspirations.  Either I didn't believe in them enough or I didn't do any work towards the goal. What goal?  Did I have a goal?  Was it clear?  Do I really know what I like the most?  I will keep looking for the answers to these questions and get in the groove.  Not the Grove.
Ha.  Well, this is the second day of the 60 year old.  I will not sabotage myself.  I won't hold a grudge towards the friends that didn't tell me happy birthday.  Or will I?  We will see.  

Day 52 Birth

Yes, this is the day I was born 60 years ago.  I could never have ever realized that I would make it this far.  I am very grateful.  I have a bad cough but I am not dieing.  What is my intention for this year?  What I have realized is that  dreaming and visualizing your dreams doesn't get them.  Working working and doing is the way to get that.  I didn't do that.  I didn't know that.  I cared about what others thought of me.  Is it too late baby to gain the great things that I may want.  NEVER!!

Day 51 Pre-Birth

Yes, I will be born early tomorrow morning.  i guess I need to wake up really early around the time I was born and put an intent for the rest of the year.  Sober and living my artistic life with acceptance and understanding. Knowing everyone has basic goodness and loving kindness, for myself, my spouse and everyone.  Oh to be happy as who I am.   To live in this body and love this body. To love others in their bodys. To embrace all that has happened not to doubt myself.   Please.      Love me  Happiest birthday ever.

Day 50 Emotion

Motion is Emotion.  Problems are our  biggest addiction.  Fear will wear out if you dance with it. love certainty  uncertainty(adventure) contribution significance and groping.  Tony Robbins.   Winter does happen life is a season.  Learned helplessness.

Day 49 Weather

Crazy weather, crazy thinking?   I really don't know what is on my mind today.  I got off to a rough start with no regular meditations or Yoga.  It was time to go to work before I knew it.  Barely got to eat breakfast.  The weather was sunny, rainy, sunny, hailing, wind, sun, it went on and on.  I really did sneak out and had some time to shop.  I didn't tell anyone.  And I spent almost 50 dollars and then charged at Costco.  It felt good, I hadn't had a moment to myself for a really long time.  Tomorrow I have too myself.  Yes, I have a day off tomorrow and I don't have to drive into town.  Unless Cooper wants to go.  But I thin khe will  like me just being home.  Wonder what the weather will be tomorrow.  I am so glad that I can type.  I am so glad that I have a home.  It is time to change the art in the living room.  What do I want in there.  Do I want more asian feel in there.  If I do I may need to panting a big Asian picture.   Maybe the cool tree picture I saw today.  I can make something like that.

Day 48 Surrender

I have to surrender I am ill of some sort.  This is going to be a long day.  I surrender to new things that I have found out about myself.  That I am more like my mother than I would ever ever want. Not the great things. The way she hd her feelings and hated what dad did.  I have learned how to do that.  I have done that with every man in my life. Like now. Let us have health and love and quiet mind please.  Birthday is coming.  Still sick but a little better I would think.....

Day 47 Puking

I puked and it was before work.  I had coughed so much that I puked.  And I really wanted too.  I thought if I could just  puke I would get that shit out of me.  Well that didn't get rid of it but I think I know what is going on.  It is the fear for my life and it is still in me.  I am angry and have no way to get this shit out of me.  I wish I did.  I wish I could get it out.  I think I am afraid to get rid of it.  OH, what a life we live.  Oh what suffering we can know.  Whitney Hustons life was filled with too much drama.   And she is gone.  Demi Moore isn't gone but she has so much drama in her life.  All these stars have too many dramas.  i guess it

Day 46 Cough

This is about a cough that just won't quite and one that is very annoying and I can't sleep with it.  I have to sit up.  Right now I am just wanting to go to bed.  Why can't I go to bed.  I will suffer through for others.  For the dog and for hubby.  This cough may be telling me something I have went to many doctors with these symptons and paid thousands of dollars and nothing.  I want to be quiet.  I want to be alone.  I want.  I want.  I want.
Sleep gives me quiet.  Except for all the lovely dreams that I have.   I want to rest, to be quiet.   And not cough.

Day 45 Dreams

I am wanting to live in my dream world sometimes more than the real world.  I have a band built around me I have men attracted to me. I make lots of money in fashion.  I do have to run a lot thought.  Lots of being chased.  But not as much as I was years ago.   I want to ride in my dreams.  Get my motorcycle and ride.  I think that would be the icing on the cake there.  I am doing many great things and feeling power and taking care of myself also.  Cooper is in my dreams a lot and is running around everywhere and I have to make sure he is safe.  That is hard.  I am just glad he is safe.  Comic class tonight and I really am going to be very humble, quiet and as for help.  I need better jokes.  Maybe I can do my top 10 lists they were pretty funny.   Help me universe.

Day 44 Right here

Right here Right now.  I have my feet down and I have a breath going in.  I am trying to write a few jokes for school, for my comedy class.  I have to let go of last week and surrender to the now and the next step.  Be positive for everyone and have some fun.   Tomorrow is valentines day and I don't have anything for my dear hubby.  Or my Coopie.  So what shall I do.  I am not sure right now.  Maybe a special meal.  I do that everyday.  Maybe a card, maybe a tattoo maybe a bean salad.  No I am just random right now.  IF I don't have my homework  OH well.  I am doing the best I can with the time that I have.  right here, right now.

Day 43 Home

Yes, we made it home.  We stopped at Costco and bought lots of food.  I cooked a great dinner and Cooper is glad that we are here.  We left him and had others stop by and be with the little one.  I missed him but it was very good for relationship to be with my husband without the dog.  So that I could try and be a little more understanding and accepting.  I have to learn how to live this life that I have don't I.  I want to live the life in my head, in my dreams,  lots of great stuff in there.  Well, I still will  allow the universe to make my decisions and still have those thoughts and dreams out there.  I want to serve mankind the best way that I can.  I want to be a leader.  I am so glad I am not distructive, or am I??  I still want to eat to much,  I want to spend too much.  Things that I don't need just that I want them,  I want them to make me feel better.  That is not what it is all about and I am taking a look at that.

Day 42 Shopping

Shopping Heaven in Seattle.  Yes, I love the colors and all.  Nordstroms was so so cool.   And my hubby bought me clothes at H&M  and I got 2 tops, a skirt and a leather coat. (fake)  But was so so fun.  We got to go on a train.  A Light link.   We went farther and farther and saw more and more, then came home a passed out for a nap and got ready for the party.  Angry hubby got us there.  I really woke up realizing that I was still the one that pushes the relationship away.  I do live in a world that no one knows about.  I am asking the universe for a motorcycle and I want to ride for all woman.  I want to ride Freda Amelia  That is my grandma.  She went blind and I didn't know her very well.  That is just one thing I want to do.  I want to travel across the US and be an inspiration for people.  I want to play music for people.  I want (none of those things are things that are in my life) (none of those things I have told my husband)  (I haven't told anybody anything). So I do live in a bubble.   I like  my bubble but I don't let others into this bubble.  Maybe I need to take a look at that.

Day 41 Go

Rock n Roll.....Yeah.  We went to Seattle to Rock Out and we did.   Met  up with some of our old Rock n Roll friends and it was awesome.  Vicki my old guitar player. Soozy, my friend. for over 30years of rock n roll, my niece and Jerry a guitar player for my hubbys band.  How much more than that.  I didn't even get to play my guitar.  Oh well.  We are home now.

Day 40 Get over it

I will probably repeat myself over an over in this blog, because I can.  I see how I have been living in a bubble and what is wrong with that.  As I see it it is way better than the angry people I see around me.  Is life really worth it.  Get over it, I say.   Just get up another day and do your best until there are no more days.  How will that be?  Have some fun and dress the way you want too.  I love you and a trip is coming up to a rock n roll weekend.  Enjoy and have some fun for God's sake.  Love again.

Day39 Mad

I am not really mad but come o,n why do we have to do the same things over and over and over.  I set myself up again.  In my comedy class I just thought I was so good at comedy and wrote all this stuff and was really excited about it.  I was scared, out of my body, felt horrible and think I made a fool out of myself.  I ask the universe for help.  Does it really matter?  No so why the f*&k do I do it so much and it stings so deep and so long.  I want to hit people, I get mad.   Most mad at myself for setting myself up.  I do it over and over and over and over.   My songs my writing, my singing.   I really feel right now that I am not good enough at anything.   That is just not too much fun.  I can do a little of a lot and not one thing really really well.  I could act very very well when I was doing that but now I am so out of shape emotionally and don't really want to go there emotionally when you need too.   And I have anxiety attacks and I am afraid that I can't remember the words.  With all the practice I do and I am still a mess and it is nobody's fault bit my own.  Sixty f&&king years old and still having these issues is not a way that I want this year to turn out.   I ask for universal help.  I feel like I am not pleasing people either.  Am I dropping the ball on things?  Help me understand how I can make this work a little easier for me..  Who am I kidding.

Day 38 Where Does It Go

OMG  I fall back into the depths of ego, of feeling less than.  Caring what others think of me.  Of thinking I am too cool    I like to dress up and it may put people off.  I am so confident then wham  Where does it GO?????  I am so f"cking pissed inside.  I am so disappointed and I turned to food.  I stuffed food down my stomach.  Down my throat to fill me up.   I fell untalented, I feel defeated and disappointed.  I have to pull back.  I don't want to pull back and I felt so over the top and critical of myself.  Is this the leftovers from this morning?  I felt judged and it was in me more than out there.  I want to be funny, I want to be funny.  I want to be funny, I want to be original.   I over sang my song.  I just hated the whole thing...Is that tonight or what is going to happen.  Change in plans over and over and over and i am loosing my privacy and have to share my home.  I really have lots to work on don't I??  Is it getting close to my birthday, a big one or is it the Full Moon.  What ever it is, I don't like it.  I don't want to go back to the bad bad habits of being bad.  It truly doesn't matter what I did tonight.

Day 37 Full Moon Almost

This was a very very strange day and I really did keep my own energy while chaos was happening all around me.  We ended up laughing about all of it.  How was your day.  I am working on keeping my practice up so I can live the life I was meant to live.  It seems like it is happening, I am so grateful ...I am doing my portfolio of my photos.  And some other art work.  So I am doing my stuff.  Hope you are too.  Love..me

Day 36 Super Bowl

Started by soaking beans over night,  Then boiling them this morning for 2 hours while I built a fire, did my yoga, my meditation.  I kept a fire going all day.   I made a great big soup out of the beans.  I painted on wood, I tried to make a terrarium.  So many things.  Then I just realized how to do really really cool things on my camera.  I had actually wanted a whole program to do this kind of stuff.  And I already had what I needed.  I am having a really really great day. How bout you?

Day 35 Competition

Competition. I had the privilege like I talked about yesterday of seeing at least 60 kids singing.  Yes, singing.  I got musical theater.  I was scared at first because I had done so much work on the acting package.    But most of it was the same and as the acting form.   I kept my energy I had fun, I opened my heart and had all the energy I needed to make it there and make it home and enjoy the performances.  I had a blast.  I am having moments again that I have never known to have before.  I feel connected more, more in the moment and I have these beautiful experiences.
I say thank you and I really don't want to go down the road of cover-up  I like being me and I am me.  So There.  How about you,  I like you too.

Day 34 Decompress

Decompress, it is a word.  Who knew.  Yesterday with all of the illness, the light headedness and such.  What was all that?.  I thought I may be dieing.   Well,   I went to bed very very early and allowed things to progress.  I had put a lot of pressure on myself about this judging thing I am doing tomorrow.  It was a great big box of worry and I saw it in my dreams.  My heart rate and breathing changed when I thought of the day.  It is total fear of the unknown and not knowing how to do it, not doing it well enough, not trusting myself.  Loosing myself and making a fool in front of the kids.  My mind will go to mush.  Wow,  I have a lot of issues.  I wanted to call in sick and not do it.   Then the whole night went so awesome.  I slept most of the night but my in and out of sleep actually corrected my crazy doubts and fears.  I woke up ready to enjoy my day off and travel to a hotel in the sun,  I got to work on my stuff for tomorrow and I feel comfortable and I am looking forward to the challenge.  Not out of fear, but of excitement.  These kids area allowing me to enter their creative lives.  And it is such a privilege.  I have felt deeply connected and in the moment today.  Some things are surprising me I am so here.  I don't think I have been here this much.  That is what I want this year to be about.  Thank you.

Day 33 Light headed

Let uos talk about our bodies and stress.   I don't feel stressed but I am light headed and tired, and then I start to think something else is wrong.  I have headaches, and my stomach is bloated.  Why and I telling you this.   I am asking for the love of the universe to help me pull it together.  I have a very big weekend and maybe the fear of that is what I am doing. to myself.  I am judging many many teens for theater competition.  I want to do my best of course/.  There are still many things going on in my life.  I am getting closer to the Day of 60 years on this earth.
I had a big breakthrough  with my singing this morning.  Much good, much bad.  Much weird. That is life.   

Day 29 Lost

I lost this day somehow.  I am sorry precious day.   Now I feel so much better that this blog is for my eyes only right now.  It allows me to tell my truth.  Yes, to tell my truth.   I can let go of all those burdens of others energys.  Not that they are bad at all, but I do sometimes have a hard time allowing them to simply be themselves.  Thank you........

Day 32 New Month

This is a brand new month and this month is the month I was born in 60 years ago.  My mom and dad are gone and I am heading that way.   Well, I guess when you are born you are headed that way and you never know when it will happen.  We always forget that.  We get so caught up in this world we made up that we don't enjoy our bodies, our lives, what we have.  I am wanting the rest of my days on this planet to be filled with new things.  Like joy, living in the moment, giving more, inspiring people and loving more.  Living in the ocean of consciousness and creating.  I want to learn how I can create from that.  Even physical things, everything we have on this earth is created in this consciousness, from trees, to tables, the internet, our food, our rain, our sun, all of it.  I want to connect with that and learn how to create, like I said.  To create the vessel of abundance, freedom. heart ways.  Let that be me.  I feel like a leader that isn't leading,  I feel like a healer that is not healing.   I don't feel like a house wife but I am taking care of a house.  I don't feel like a wife and yet I am one.  I feel more like an artist, a creator, not a cleaner, or seller.   I don't like formal parties unless I am part of the hostess or a part of the cast, or producers or actress, or musician.  Is that vain?  I do like to go for others special occasions but I am not a partier right now.  I don't want to be around booze or eat to much.  I would rather do somethings creative or travel  or meditate, do yoga, ride a motorcycle just something a little different, peaceful, full of reconnecting and understanding my imprint in this consciousness.  People say I live in a bubble and that may be but my bubble seems clearer and more real to me than their bubble.   I AM SO GRATEFUL.  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Day 31 Late

I really did just plain forgot to do my blog today.  What is up with that?  I am just getting back in the habit.  I am patient with myself and will you appreciate the same from you.  Do you give yourself that courtesy I pray so.

Day 30 Crap

Yes, Crap.   I went to work with a very great attitude and got blasted with other peoples crap.  I really didn't want to hear it, but I am the one that hears it.  The one that can probably handle the burdens.  Remember I gave up my burdens .  I am lightning up the load that is why the name Jo Jo. Yes, I refuse to take on any others crap.   I feel so overly tired from that and the carbs that I just ate too much of.  They were so great. I wrote to my sister what is going on in my life and there are many unique things right now.  I am working, taking a class with homework, cleaning a house, casting a movie,  judging a theater regional, and the bathroom is being remodeled.  I know there is more than that.  Oh, I am on a commity for a woman's retreat and trying to go to church or meditation every sunday.  writing on a blog everyday. And a small art project that happens everyday.  How about you...I am tired just writing about it all.   Love ya and  throw your crap somewhere but not at someone.     No me.

Day 28 Get Over It

Help me!!!! I forgot who I was.  What I am.   I don't care what anyone else ever ever ever says who and what I am.   I decided to dance with the music I was given.  Not YOUR Music.   Not that I don't want to hear your music I just don't want to be it.   I am my own songs, I am my own melody, my rhythm, darkness, light, staccato, crescendo and all that music talk.   Have a great song today, a great peaceful melody, and an energizing, enthusiastic rhythm.  I am going to do just that.  Hope our music is in harmony together.  I love.you all and I am still going to be me.

Day 27 One Breath Away

I feel a breath away from being grounded, or being the me I felt a few days ago.  I got my feet pulled from under me.   I fell into the old habit of taking what I hear to deep.  I gave my power away again.  People telling me I live in a Bubble, or that I am kind of out there.  I have found I am intuitive and enthusiastic and I don't live with everyone else s beliefs of how things work.  I hear Wayne Dyer, and people like that.  When they talk I know what they know.  I know the ancient healing process, energy and what is happening.  That is not a bubble.  But I took it in a bad way.   Then someone was giving me the fung shui for the bathroom.  And it was none of the things that I am doing in our bathroom.  The colors and all.  So I was hurt by that.   I wasn't trusting myself.  I know how things feel.  That is knowing and trusting me and not everyone out there.  So I haven't been as grounded as I would like to be.   So I am just a breath away from myself.  Thanks............I wall breathe and get that.

Day 26 Energy

I have to say my energy today was great, I mean I felt better than I have in years.   Then the crazy fun energy got kind of violent at me.  Two others at work were as silly as me and we spun out of control and my energy spiraled out of me and I got very tired and I couldn't think  straight or positive.  I am not sure what really happened.   I am used to taking a nap around 1 or 2 but when I work I can't do that.  I want to gather my groundedness and live again in my body tonight and feel that awesome feeling I had this morning.  I will nourish and cultivate that feeling.  Thank you universe..

Day 25 Complete

I am on a completion mission.  Ask me, How is that going Jo-Jo?  Not so good I reply.  And why would I reply that way?  I just finished a song.  Well, I wanted more.  I am not satisfied with writing a hit song for myself.   Oh, well.   Now that I have told you that, I will celebrate with great celebration.  I love it.  I wrote a song.   Thank god.      This is so awesome and I will not deny this great awesome accomplishment.......SO THERE!!!!!!!

Day 24 Who cares?

My second comic class.  I don't care what others think of me.  Finally.   I really didn't. The young punks I guess I wanted to show them.  My funny isn't their funny.  Their funny isn't mine.  Poop talk, Cocks, Dildos. Those were the main topics of tonight.   I find I am quite a prude.  No worries.  I don't want to do this for just anyone.  I want to do it for spiritual hungry groups.  I know this.  Lets go...Here I GO!!!!  Love my past.  Every part of it.......good material.

Day 23 Bubble

Do you live in a Bubble?  My hubby says I live in a bubble and I think i is because I don't believe in all the things that society believes in.  I am not disturbed by as many things.  I won't buy into the Bleep that others will. 
I give more love and have more patience and lately I only want to help others.  Earlier in my life I thought people could take me away..I have regained much more of my power and I want to share love, light and laughter with others.   Thank God, which I believe is Energy.  Just call me JJo-Jo!!!

Day 22 Lookin Good

Feeling good is looking good in my opinion.    Yeah!!!  I have been on a great journey of Yoga, meditation, vitimans, herbs, food for health.  Washing my face and with all of these things, plus re-learning full potential.  This is helping me be the best me I can be in the last chapter of my life.   It can be the best chapter of my life.  I am guided, and swimming in consciousness.  Love me.

Day 21 Selling

Had a great day at work selling lots of clothes to people.  I get so high from it.  They love the way they look and have so much fun.  It is a very great fulfilling thing when we get in that flow.  I never ever thought I could sell anything.  And I really do love it.   I have learned so much about myself and broke through many blockages  I use my best self to look into their eyes and understand what they are feeling.We have so much fun too.  That is all I am going to talk about today.  How about you have you ever thought you would never be good at something and then you broke threw and actually found out you were actually good at it after you gave it a try.  I have done that many times.  So keep moving forward...that is what I say.

Day 20 Wow

I got hit with so many great things today.  And how all ideas have great potential in the universe.  I mean if you are given a great idea for a book, aren't you supposed to write it?  If you have ideas on how to create a light fixture, isn't your responsibility to manifest it here on earth. I am kind of at a loss with all of that.  My dreams are so vivid and I am mixing up real life and dreams.  I think of something and can't really remember if I saw it in a dream or in real life.  Is real life a dream anyway.   My husband says I live in a bubble, I don't see what is real.  Money, Politics, etc.  And I think yes, I don't believe what everyone else thinks.  I think we create our life, our world with what we believe.  Why would I believe in lack and such when we know there is abundance everywhere and we live in it.  Accept it, don't get attached to it, and trust it at the same time.  The things I didn't like that I got hit was my old feelings of getting or feeling overwhelmed and like a little kid when my hubby talked.  I got flustered as I have for years.  I stand in my being, I stand in my power, I stand in me.  It is even alright if I get flustered and overwhelmed.  It is OK.  It is all OK

Day 19 Colors

I have a big problem with color.  It doesn't come naturally.  I can figure out what looks great with each other if they are side by side but I can't even get other things right.  I picked out 8 colors 4 from one store and 4 from another and guess what?   They are pretty much the same colors. 
Almost identical.  I have decided.    I have found the colors.  If I keep picking the same colors over and over and over must be the right colors.   Thank you voice of reason.   I can change the color some other time anyway.  I may put a silver metallic over some of the paint.  We will see. How are you with colors?   With face identification?  Everyone is a little different. with these kinds of things.  Color and face recognition. This is enough for Jo Jo today. I love you.

Day 18 Quiet

You have to be quiet to hear anything. That is one thing that came to me today.  Another was
The universe doesn't make sense but we try to make sense out of it!
Helping yourself is Helping others.
I guess I was full of it today.  The quiet was the word of the day.  The house was quiet for a while today and I really could relax and get somethings done.  With others energy around I still loose my energy.  My heart and soul and the energy that I need to be creative and or to get things done was here in the quietness.   Love it Love it Love it......

Day 17 Sick

What is sickness anyway.  I don't feel so good right now and I really just want it to go away.  If we don't feel good, if we are ill, if we have a disease what does that do to our lives.  You can't even do the things that you love, or you can't even do the things that you don't love so much.  So when the feeling well comes back you are so so grateful.  I want to be that grateful right now.  The hammering in the bathroom is in my head and making my stomach sick, makes me weak and a little dizzy.  I can't get away from it.  Would Chocolate help?   What would help this.  QUIET, and SLEEP maybe.  Can't be nerves now can it?   I have a homework due tonight and I am a little anxious about all of that.  And it is raining really bad today.    Love to you all. Health and well being to you all and let us end the suffering in a good way.

Day 16 Full

Full of what?  I am full of food right now.  I really don't have an agenda to share with you except that full feeling.  I am really looking forward to bed tonight and that is that.  I am glad no one is reading these blogs right now.   I wanted to help myself with these and I don't know if I am even doing that.  I have to stay on the road of potential, non attachment, energy and dharma.  I am.

Day 15 Snow Day

Yes, it is a snow day and that has nothing to do with the way I feel.   We have had a very great day of learning and hanging out at the Home Depot.  I like Lowes better but it was the day to learn at The Home Depot.
Now I am blessed to have my son here, and then I have another excuse to not do my home work for my comic class.    Why???????   I am stuggling with the homework.   Help Me$$$$  Yes, I want money for doing my homework.  I am not very funny.   I am really really funny.  Which is the truth.   What am I?  Who am I?    I am hungry right now and what does that have to do with anything except What are you hungry for?   Love it...Golden Globes.  Want to watch it and it brings up way to  many feelings.  Love you.

Day 14 Inspired

I have done 3 new things this week and this one was one of the best ones.  It was learning how to judge a state conference for the theater departments in Oregon High Schools.  The people I met were passionate about the kids and allowing them to grow as people.  I loved it.  It will be a lot of work and a little overwhelming on the exact day.   But I am looking forward to that.
I have left my homework to the last minute.  I did discuss it with my hubby and got some insight about myself.  And I listened and it really helped me perceive myself and create a persona for my comedian stand-up.  It may not be easy for me as nothing seems to come naturally.  Like Singing, Acting, etc.  I mean it has all been hard work.   I don't understand, I don't feel like a natural at anything.   Let's see.   What do you think of yourself and what words would describe your persona?

Day 13 Blah

I woke up early and I didn't get to do what I really wanted too and I allowed other peoples crap put me in a mood.  The day kept going like that.  No, great energy and it was a very very beautiful day.  Went to a school to volunteer and that didn't go as planned.  The sun was shining but I just couldn't get out of it.   I didn't want to come home.  I just wanted to go to bed and I believe that is just what I am going to do here soon.
Didn't eat correctly and that may have made the difference.  Still tired.   I got disappointed and thought anything I can think of that I am special has already been done.  I really am not original at all.  I am tired of working so hard to feel good.  I wanted to fill up  a big hole with candy, or buy something. That is the addiction in it's worse case.  I can't go down that road.  I would rather go to bed.

Day 12 Offer

What do you have to offer?  What if everyone has something special for the time and space of their life?  What would yours be?  Would you be able to show it or fulfill that purpose?  Also is there a time that it will run out before you die?  Or a time that is missed if you aren't open to it or Ready for it? 
Take a look at that, I am.  And I may be close to knowing what that purpose is.  And everything has led me to this very moment to have it manifest in my life.  This is without attachment but with great enthusiasm.  Keeping the mystery alive in my life.  Not worrying about tomorrow.  What do I have to offer?   Let's find out.

Day 11 Owning

Today I woke up with a very active mind, then finally it settled and I felt so so awesome.  What I owned was that I have a talent for the energy in a room and how things need to be put and how they work together.
I also owned that I am an awesome teacher,  I had a private lesson and the girl asked for me.  I am owning my body a little more.  Owning my voice also.
There are some things that are scaring me though.  My new class, a comic class, oh, my gosh.
I have to create comedy out of my own life.  I had to deal with my critic last night at class and after class.   Not as bad as usual but it was there.  And I wondered why I had to do that.   I don't have to do that.  I want to have some fun and laugh..  That is why I took the class.
OWN it.   I am.

Day 10 Forgiveness

Will I forgive myself for not blogging yesterday or not posting the day on the wall.  Yes, I will.
I have been busy, hubby home and remodeling the bathroom and not being able to focus on anything like normal.  My job has fallen apart, my bathroom is gone and I have to redesign it.
A new class tonight and I may be afraid of that too.  I am not attached.  I forgive myself.  Non of it truly matters. 

Day 9 Fiocus

Did it.   Or not.  No I didn't.  Focus now.   I am a day late.

Day 8 Do It

Do it, Do it, Do it, Do it.   I procrastinate.  I do it over and over and again and again. And I trip over things on the floor, I put one pile on another.  I keep sorting and sorting and sorting.  What is up with that?   I Do it.  Can you.  I really just got rid of some things I have been carrying around for days.
I want all of my pages of suffering for 50 years thrown away.  I don't want anyone to read them, they will do no good for no one. They were stories upon stories and then another story on that.  Oh, see, that really is true.  I am not good enough.  I want to be happy, I just suffered and wa in a prison no matter what I did.  There were moments,  very very few.  I can remember them.
Do it, what does that have to do with suffering, or my journals.  Well, I made up excuses and didn't think I was worth anything so why would it work.
Acting was the thing that brought me to focus on a great thing that I thought would be my lifes work.  Politics, self doubt, self destruction and more stories of not being good enough pulled me under and I allowed it.  I believed that was what I was.  
I am not my what I do for a living, I am not even my body, I am an energy that won't ever fade. My body will die, everything will change.  Everything.  The world we are creating is ever changing, the life we are creating in this creative universe is moving all the time. All the time.
This is a big year for me and I desire it very differently so I have to change what I am creating by recognizing my thought patterns and  change them.  Connect, be quiet, Listen, Don't fall into old patterns.   I got a head start before this year and I plan on keeping that path till death do us part.