Day 34 Decompress

Decompress, it is a word.  Who knew.  Yesterday with all of the illness, the light headedness and such.  What was all that?.  I thought I may be dieing.   Well,   I went to bed very very early and allowed things to progress.  I had put a lot of pressure on myself about this judging thing I am doing tomorrow.  It was a great big box of worry and I saw it in my dreams.  My heart rate and breathing changed when I thought of the day.  It is total fear of the unknown and not knowing how to do it, not doing it well enough, not trusting myself.  Loosing myself and making a fool in front of the kids.  My mind will go to mush.  Wow,  I have a lot of issues.  I wanted to call in sick and not do it.   Then the whole night went so awesome.  I slept most of the night but my in and out of sleep actually corrected my crazy doubts and fears.  I woke up ready to enjoy my day off and travel to a hotel in the sun,  I got to work on my stuff for tomorrow and I feel comfortable and I am looking forward to the challenge.  Not out of fear, but of excitement.  These kids area allowing me to enter their creative lives.  And it is such a privilege.  I have felt deeply connected and in the moment today.  Some things are surprising me I am so here.  I don't think I have been here this much.  That is what I want this year to be about.  Thank you.