Day 5 Patterns

Finding the patterns and then  choosing to change them has been something I believe I have been wanting to do all of my life.   I knew I wasn't here to be mean, to suffer, to hurt people.  I wondered why others were so mean.  This was something that I chose to believe to keep me alive when I was little.  I had to survive by protecting myself which made a pattern of hiding and not being myself.  Who ever that was.  Today passing a school play yard and hearing the kids so loud and sounding uninhibited brought tears to my eyes./  I was never that in grade school, in middle school and not until alcohol was introduced to me in high school was I free enough to be me.  Ha what a joke that is because then you make a pattern of only Being when you drink.  I have stopped that pattern and am learning to do it on my own.  I am not afraid.  I am not afraid of my patterns. How about You?