Day 30 Crap

Yes, Crap.   I went to work with a very great attitude and got blasted with other peoples crap.  I really didn't want to hear it, but I am the one that hears it.  The one that can probably handle the burdens.  Remember I gave up my burdens .  I am lightning up the load that is why the name Jo Jo. Yes, I refuse to take on any others crap.   I feel so overly tired from that and the carbs that I just ate too much of.  They were so great. I wrote to my sister what is going on in my life and there are many unique things right now.  I am working, taking a class with homework, cleaning a house, casting a movie,  judging a theater regional, and the bathroom is being remodeled.  I know there is more than that.  Oh, I am on a commity for a woman's retreat and trying to go to church or meditation every sunday.  writing on a blog everyday. And a small art project that happens everyday.  How about you...I am tired just writing about it all.   Love ya and  throw your crap somewhere but not at someone.     No me.

Day 28 Get Over It

Help me!!!! I forgot who I was.  What I am.   I don't care what anyone else ever ever ever says who and what I am.   I decided to dance with the music I was given.  Not YOUR Music.   Not that I don't want to hear your music I just don't want to be it.   I am my own songs, I am my own melody, my rhythm, darkness, light, staccato, crescendo and all that music talk.   Have a great song today, a great peaceful melody, and an energizing, enthusiastic rhythm.  I am going to do just that.  Hope our music is in harmony together.  I love.you all and I am still going to be me.

Day 27 One Breath Away

I feel a breath away from being grounded, or being the me I felt a few days ago.  I got my feet pulled from under me.   I fell into the old habit of taking what I hear to deep.  I gave my power away again.  People telling me I live in a Bubble, or that I am kind of out there.  I have found I am intuitive and enthusiastic and I don't live with everyone else s beliefs of how things work.  I hear Wayne Dyer, and people like that.  When they talk I know what they know.  I know the ancient healing process, energy and what is happening.  That is not a bubble.  But I took it in a bad way.   Then someone was giving me the fung shui for the bathroom.  And it was none of the things that I am doing in our bathroom.  The colors and all.  So I was hurt by that.   I wasn't trusting myself.  I know how things feel.  That is knowing and trusting me and not everyone out there.  So I haven't been as grounded as I would like to be.   So I am just a breath away from myself.  Thanks............I wall breathe and get that.

Day 26 Energy

I have to say my energy today was great, I mean I felt better than I have in years.   Then the crazy fun energy got kind of violent at me.  Two others at work were as silly as me and we spun out of control and my energy spiraled out of me and I got very tired and I couldn't think  straight or positive.  I am not sure what really happened.   I am used to taking a nap around 1 or 2 but when I work I can't do that.  I want to gather my groundedness and live again in my body tonight and feel that awesome feeling I had this morning.  I will nourish and cultivate that feeling.  Thank you universe..

Day 25 Complete

I am on a completion mission.  Ask me, How is that going Jo-Jo?  Not so good I reply.  And why would I reply that way?  I just finished a song.  Well, I wanted more.  I am not satisfied with writing a hit song for myself.   Oh, well.   Now that I have told you that, I will celebrate with great celebration.  I love it.  I wrote a song.   Thank god.      This is so awesome and I will not deny this great awesome accomplishment.......SO THERE!!!!!!!

Day 24 Who cares?

My second comic class.  I don't care what others think of me.  Finally.   I really didn't. The young punks I guess I wanted to show them.  My funny isn't their funny.  Their funny isn't mine.  Poop talk, Cocks, Dildos. Those were the main topics of tonight.   I find I am quite a prude.  No worries.  I don't want to do this for just anyone.  I want to do it for spiritual hungry groups.  I know this.  Lets go...Here I GO!!!!  Love my past.  Every part of it.......good material.

Day 23 Bubble

Do you live in a Bubble?  My hubby says I live in a bubble and I think i is because I don't believe in all the things that society believes in.  I am not disturbed by as many things.  I won't buy into the Bleep that others will. 
I give more love and have more patience and lately I only want to help others.  Earlier in my life I thought people could take me away..I have regained much more of my power and I want to share love, light and laughter with others.   Thank God, which I believe is Energy.  Just call me JJo-Jo!!!

Day 22 Lookin Good

Feeling good is looking good in my opinion.    Yeah!!!  I have been on a great journey of Yoga, meditation, vitimans, herbs, food for health.  Washing my face and with all of these things, plus re-learning full potential.  This is helping me be the best me I can be in the last chapter of my life.   It can be the best chapter of my life.  I am guided, and swimming in consciousness.  Love me.

Day 21 Selling

Had a great day at work selling lots of clothes to people.  I get so high from it.  They love the way they look and have so much fun.  It is a very great fulfilling thing when we get in that flow.  I never ever thought I could sell anything.  And I really do love it.   I have learned so much about myself and broke through many blockages  I use my best self to look into their eyes and understand what they are feeling.We have so much fun too.  That is all I am going to talk about today.  How about you have you ever thought you would never be good at something and then you broke threw and actually found out you were actually good at it after you gave it a try.  I have done that many times.  So keep moving forward...that is what I say.

Day 20 Wow

I got hit with so many great things today.  And how all ideas have great potential in the universe.  I mean if you are given a great idea for a book, aren't you supposed to write it?  If you have ideas on how to create a light fixture, isn't your responsibility to manifest it here on earth. I am kind of at a loss with all of that.  My dreams are so vivid and I am mixing up real life and dreams.  I think of something and can't really remember if I saw it in a dream or in real life.  Is real life a dream anyway.   My husband says I live in a bubble, I don't see what is real.  Money, Politics, etc.  And I think yes, I don't believe what everyone else thinks.  I think we create our life, our world with what we believe.  Why would I believe in lack and such when we know there is abundance everywhere and we live in it.  Accept it, don't get attached to it, and trust it at the same time.  The things I didn't like that I got hit was my old feelings of getting or feeling overwhelmed and like a little kid when my hubby talked.  I got flustered as I have for years.  I stand in my being, I stand in my power, I stand in me.  It is even alright if I get flustered and overwhelmed.  It is OK.  It is all OK

Day 19 Colors

I have a big problem with color.  It doesn't come naturally.  I can figure out what looks great with each other if they are side by side but I can't even get other things right.  I picked out 8 colors 4 from one store and 4 from another and guess what?   They are pretty much the same colors. 
Almost identical.  I have decided.    I have found the colors.  If I keep picking the same colors over and over and over must be the right colors.   Thank you voice of reason.   I can change the color some other time anyway.  I may put a silver metallic over some of the paint.  We will see. How are you with colors?   With face identification?  Everyone is a little different. with these kinds of things.  Color and face recognition. This is enough for Jo Jo today. I love you.

Day 18 Quiet

You have to be quiet to hear anything. That is one thing that came to me today.  Another was
The universe doesn't make sense but we try to make sense out of it!
Helping yourself is Helping others.
I guess I was full of it today.  The quiet was the word of the day.  The house was quiet for a while today and I really could relax and get somethings done.  With others energy around I still loose my energy.  My heart and soul and the energy that I need to be creative and or to get things done was here in the quietness.   Love it Love it Love it......

Day 17 Sick

What is sickness anyway.  I don't feel so good right now and I really just want it to go away.  If we don't feel good, if we are ill, if we have a disease what does that do to our lives.  You can't even do the things that you love, or you can't even do the things that you don't love so much.  So when the feeling well comes back you are so so grateful.  I want to be that grateful right now.  The hammering in the bathroom is in my head and making my stomach sick, makes me weak and a little dizzy.  I can't get away from it.  Would Chocolate help?   What would help this.  QUIET, and SLEEP maybe.  Can't be nerves now can it?   I have a homework due tonight and I am a little anxious about all of that.  And it is raining really bad today.    Love to you all. Health and well being to you all and let us end the suffering in a good way.

Day 16 Full

Full of what?  I am full of food right now.  I really don't have an agenda to share with you except that full feeling.  I am really looking forward to bed tonight and that is that.  I am glad no one is reading these blogs right now.   I wanted to help myself with these and I don't know if I am even doing that.  I have to stay on the road of potential, non attachment, energy and dharma.  I am.

Day 15 Snow Day

Yes, it is a snow day and that has nothing to do with the way I feel.   We have had a very great day of learning and hanging out at the Home Depot.  I like Lowes better but it was the day to learn at The Home Depot.
Now I am blessed to have my son here, and then I have another excuse to not do my home work for my comic class.    Why???????   I am stuggling with the homework.   Help Me$$$$  Yes, I want money for doing my homework.  I am not very funny.   I am really really funny.  Which is the truth.   What am I?  Who am I?    I am hungry right now and what does that have to do with anything except What are you hungry for?   Love it...Golden Globes.  Want to watch it and it brings up way to  many feelings.  Love you.

Day 14 Inspired

I have done 3 new things this week and this one was one of the best ones.  It was learning how to judge a state conference for the theater departments in Oregon High Schools.  The people I met were passionate about the kids and allowing them to grow as people.  I loved it.  It will be a lot of work and a little overwhelming on the exact day.   But I am looking forward to that.
I have left my homework to the last minute.  I did discuss it with my hubby and got some insight about myself.  And I listened and it really helped me perceive myself and create a persona for my comedian stand-up.  It may not be easy for me as nothing seems to come naturally.  Like Singing, Acting, etc.  I mean it has all been hard work.   I don't understand, I don't feel like a natural at anything.   Let's see.   What do you think of yourself and what words would describe your persona?

Day 13 Blah

I woke up early and I didn't get to do what I really wanted too and I allowed other peoples crap put me in a mood.  The day kept going like that.  No, great energy and it was a very very beautiful day.  Went to a school to volunteer and that didn't go as planned.  The sun was shining but I just couldn't get out of it.   I didn't want to come home.  I just wanted to go to bed and I believe that is just what I am going to do here soon.
Didn't eat correctly and that may have made the difference.  Still tired.   I got disappointed and thought anything I can think of that I am special has already been done.  I really am not original at all.  I am tired of working so hard to feel good.  I wanted to fill up  a big hole with candy, or buy something. That is the addiction in it's worse case.  I can't go down that road.  I would rather go to bed.

Day 12 Offer

What do you have to offer?  What if everyone has something special for the time and space of their life?  What would yours be?  Would you be able to show it or fulfill that purpose?  Also is there a time that it will run out before you die?  Or a time that is missed if you aren't open to it or Ready for it? 
Take a look at that, I am.  And I may be close to knowing what that purpose is.  And everything has led me to this very moment to have it manifest in my life.  This is without attachment but with great enthusiasm.  Keeping the mystery alive in my life.  Not worrying about tomorrow.  What do I have to offer?   Let's find out.

Day 11 Owning

Today I woke up with a very active mind, then finally it settled and I felt so so awesome.  What I owned was that I have a talent for the energy in a room and how things need to be put and how they work together.
I also owned that I am an awesome teacher,  I had a private lesson and the girl asked for me.  I am owning my body a little more.  Owning my voice also.
There are some things that are scaring me though.  My new class, a comic class, oh, my gosh.
I have to create comedy out of my own life.  I had to deal with my critic last night at class and after class.   Not as bad as usual but it was there.  And I wondered why I had to do that.   I don't have to do that.  I want to have some fun and laugh..  That is why I took the class.
OWN it.   I am.

Day 10 Forgiveness

Will I forgive myself for not blogging yesterday or not posting the day on the wall.  Yes, I will.
I have been busy, hubby home and remodeling the bathroom and not being able to focus on anything like normal.  My job has fallen apart, my bathroom is gone and I have to redesign it.
A new class tonight and I may be afraid of that too.  I am not attached.  I forgive myself.  Non of it truly matters. 

Day 9 Fiocus

Did it.   Or not.  No I didn't.  Focus now.   I am a day late.

Day 8 Do It

Do it, Do it, Do it, Do it.   I procrastinate.  I do it over and over and again and again. And I trip over things on the floor, I put one pile on another.  I keep sorting and sorting and sorting.  What is up with that?   I Do it.  Can you.  I really just got rid of some things I have been carrying around for days.
I want all of my pages of suffering for 50 years thrown away.  I don't want anyone to read them, they will do no good for no one. They were stories upon stories and then another story on that.  Oh, see, that really is true.  I am not good enough.  I want to be happy, I just suffered and wa in a prison no matter what I did.  There were moments,  very very few.  I can remember them.
Do it, what does that have to do with suffering, or my journals.  Well, I made up excuses and didn't think I was worth anything so why would it work.
Acting was the thing that brought me to focus on a great thing that I thought would be my lifes work.  Politics, self doubt, self destruction and more stories of not being good enough pulled me under and I allowed it.  I believed that was what I was.  
I am not my what I do for a living, I am not even my body, I am an energy that won't ever fade. My body will die, everything will change.  Everything.  The world we are creating is ever changing, the life we are creating in this creative universe is moving all the time. All the time.
This is a big year for me and I desire it very differently so I have to change what I am creating by recognizing my thought patterns and  change them.  Connect, be quiet, Listen, Don't fall into old patterns.   I got a head start before this year and I plan on keeping that path till death do us part.

Day 7 Crazy

I got thrown for a loop and I really didn't expect it then I really went in a great direction but now I am exhausted.   My regular bathroom has been torn apart and I did everything in there. Dressed, makeup, jewelry, cleaning myself. Towels for the hot tub, medications, lotions. You name it and now I am a mess.  I even had the dog in there all the time with me.
I went to the back bathroom which I have lived out of before but it was so small and the lighting sucked and I couldn't see to put on my makeup and I spilled something all over my work clothes and had to change into something that I really didn't want to wear and it even got crazier and crazier.   I really had a great energy at work until I crashed and couldn't think straight.  I got light headed from not eating.  I was going to eat every 2 hours and then I forgot.
I am dropping things, I am not thinking like a Buddha, more like a silly clown.
I just realized that it is a full moon and that may be making waves in my body and mind.  I practice peace and wanting to give peace and light vibrations to everyone.  That they matter, that I can take any crap they want to give me.
The great thing that happened today was I really got in touch with a part of my body I have been ignoring.  My pelvic area.  I want my power back.  My legs are getting stronger, my stomach is pretty tight and hard.  My sexual delight isn't very delighted.  I have ignored that part of my body and I know that so much energy lives there, so much power,  I want to use that power to sing and help the world.   Not sexually but to live a whole life and not ignore any part of my body.  I think there is alot of emotion and great creativity and the courage to give that creativity to people.  I am ready.   Crazy lady is out.  I want to be called Jo.  Or Jo Jo.  How do you like that?  Yes, just call me Jo.   And when you feel playful call me Jo Jo.
This blog is going to be my secret so eat your heart out everyone.   Find your secrets.  Then share them with me . How about that?
Another surprise for the crazy day is that I am so excited to be 60 Years old this year, who would think that.  I sure didn't think I would feel this way about this birthday.  I guess I am glad I am give even another day with all of the stuff that has happened in my life.

Day 6 Secrets

During my morning meditation. I found a place inside me that has never been opened before.  Or if it has it was very very long ago.  I kept myself as a secret because it wasn't safe.  This secret led to many many more secrets and never being able to get very close to many people.  IT was close but not giving myself 100%.  How can I if i can't give it to myself.  This is the best secret that I have uncovered in a very very long time.  It can be a love affair.  That love affair is with me being authentic and living in line with that.  Can you  imagine?  I can't hardly imagine it but I am gonna shout it from the room top.  Because I can and no secrets now.  Look out everyone!!

Day 5 Patterns

Finding the patterns and then  choosing to change them has been something I believe I have been wanting to do all of my life.   I knew I wasn't here to be mean, to suffer, to hurt people.  I wondered why others were so mean.  This was something that I chose to believe to keep me alive when I was little.  I had to survive by protecting myself which made a pattern of hiding and not being myself.  Who ever that was.  Today passing a school play yard and hearing the kids so loud and sounding uninhibited brought tears to my eyes./  I was never that in grade school, in middle school and not until alcohol was introduced to me in high school was I free enough to be me.  Ha what a joke that is because then you make a pattern of only Being when you drink.  I have stopped that pattern and am learning to do it on my own.  I am not afraid.  I am not afraid of my patterns. How about You?

Day 4 In the Moment

All things changed on me today and I didn't allow it to upset me.  I was getting ready for work and got a call as I was dressing that they wouldn't need me today and they won't need me Friday also and then they asked about Saturday and I said I need to work.  It felt good to tell the truth.  I like to work and bring that income into my world.  Then all the plans obviously changed.  I started doing some other things I was going to do tomorrow and that felt good then all things kind of changed.  The dog puked, then the dog peed in the kitchen and my husband caught him and I just felt the old feelings.  I noticed it and I actually went out to my studio alone and allowed myself to breath and listen to what was going on.  I was reacting from past experiences, really ingrained in my cells but I recognized them and I imagined it flowing through me.  Past me. And that felt so so great.  In the moment came to me.  Nothing was happening right then, right now, right then.  I mean even moments after something bothers you you can let go and say nothing is happening right now, no good or no bad.  It may still be happening in your mind but the actual moment.  Think about it. I am so excited to be into Day 4 and when I am in the moment I know everything is OK, but when I go on the ride of my mind many things may be wrong or uncomfortable.  So Be In The Moment, work at it at least once a day to start.  This is from Elle to you... Love, Laughter, Light and Elle.

Day 3 Overwhelm

OK, I really don't want to be overwhelmed but I did get that feeling this afternoon.  I looked around and there are still piles everywhere and I don't want to just move them around I want to rid myself of these things that don't serve me right now in my life.  They are hanging on, clinging to the thought of not ever being able having those kind of items again.  That is the mind of lack not the universal mind of abundance and allowing space for the new.  I truly have had great things happen to me when I let go of items.  Giving them away if they don't sell.  That is OK too.  I am facing this feeling and I am regaining power over it and not allowing it to have power over me.  It is like over eating, drinking, shopping to feel good, to fill you up.  Then you are full of crap.  Sorry for that but we think it makes us feel good and it is simply a cover-up an escape from facing the moment.

This is my 2012 Day 3 Elle ideas.   Thanks and want you to see what overwhelms you and how you might be able to unplug from that and see it in another way, or do something different.

Day 2 Love Affair

I had better get this written and out to the universe.  One thing I wanted to write about was the first year that I wrote a blog I was disappointed that others didn't read it.  So the next year I got weary and didn't write one.   Then the year went by and I hadn't done a yearly tradition.  The other thing I noticed is I was clinging on to an outcome for the first blog.  To become a popular on some level.  I believed I had something that people could benefit from.  And I still think that but the other part is that it benefited myself.  So with that discovery I decided to start another blog for myself and with no attachments. No expectations. Yeah!! with that I feel awesome.  I will see if others want to sign in and read what great things are happening in my life because of a change of thinking.  That is a service I want to give to people.  To inspire them to be the true potential that they truly are.  To have a love affair with themselves that I believe will change their lives and the lives of others.  This is what I want to share on Day 2.

Day 1 The Start

This year is an experiment of life in a new way. I am not going to give myself any crap. How about you? Our minds are full of damaged ideas, beliefs and things we have created over and over in our lives. I was taught by everyone I ever met, the media, schools and simply the consciousness of most humans. This was brought to my attention through many years of practice. I have been listening to that crazy voice that has brought me down. I am not down, I am up and I don't need to believe those lies that I made up about myself and everyone else. I am burning my unneeded Burdens. How about you. I don't need to carry everyone else s thoughts and energy's to stay safe. I thought I did. I always thought I was born on the wrong planet because people were so mean. I was a divine soul who came here to love, share, think wondrous things and live them. Yell them out to the world. It is never to late to find your lost voice. It is simply lost it isn't gone. It is the one thing that truly can't get taken away. You living spark. You can voice it in any way you choose. Simply by being is still a voice of life. Let us start with this Day1. Love, Laughter and Light