Day 35 Competition

Competition. I had the privilege like I talked about yesterday of seeing at least 60 kids singing.  Yes, singing.  I got musical theater.  I was scared at first because I had done so much work on the acting package.    But most of it was the same and as the acting form.   I kept my energy I had fun, I opened my heart and had all the energy I needed to make it there and make it home and enjoy the performances.  I had a blast.  I am having moments again that I have never known to have before.  I feel connected more, more in the moment and I have these beautiful experiences.
I say thank you and I really don't want to go down the road of cover-up  I like being me and I am me.  So There.  How about you,  I like you too.

Day 34 Decompress

Decompress, it is a word.  Who knew.  Yesterday with all of the illness, the light headedness and such.  What was all that?.  I thought I may be dieing.   Well,   I went to bed very very early and allowed things to progress.  I had put a lot of pressure on myself about this judging thing I am doing tomorrow.  It was a great big box of worry and I saw it in my dreams.  My heart rate and breathing changed when I thought of the day.  It is total fear of the unknown and not knowing how to do it, not doing it well enough, not trusting myself.  Loosing myself and making a fool in front of the kids.  My mind will go to mush.  Wow,  I have a lot of issues.  I wanted to call in sick and not do it.   Then the whole night went so awesome.  I slept most of the night but my in and out of sleep actually corrected my crazy doubts and fears.  I woke up ready to enjoy my day off and travel to a hotel in the sun,  I got to work on my stuff for tomorrow and I feel comfortable and I am looking forward to the challenge.  Not out of fear, but of excitement.  These kids area allowing me to enter their creative lives.  And it is such a privilege.  I have felt deeply connected and in the moment today.  Some things are surprising me I am so here.  I don't think I have been here this much.  That is what I want this year to be about.  Thank you.

Day 33 Light headed

Let uos talk about our bodies and stress.   I don't feel stressed but I am light headed and tired, and then I start to think something else is wrong.  I have headaches, and my stomach is bloated.  Why and I telling you this.   I am asking for the love of the universe to help me pull it together.  I have a very big weekend and maybe the fear of that is what I am doing. to myself.  I am judging many many teens for theater competition.  I want to do my best of course/.  There are still many things going on in my life.  I am getting closer to the Day of 60 years on this earth.
I had a big breakthrough  with my singing this morning.  Much good, much bad.  Much weird. That is life.   

Day 29 Lost

I lost this day somehow.  I am sorry precious day.   Now I feel so much better that this blog is for my eyes only right now.  It allows me to tell my truth.  Yes, to tell my truth.   I can let go of all those burdens of others energys.  Not that they are bad at all, but I do sometimes have a hard time allowing them to simply be themselves.  Thank you........

Day 32 New Month

This is a brand new month and this month is the month I was born in 60 years ago.  My mom and dad are gone and I am heading that way.   Well, I guess when you are born you are headed that way and you never know when it will happen.  We always forget that.  We get so caught up in this world we made up that we don't enjoy our bodies, our lives, what we have.  I am wanting the rest of my days on this planet to be filled with new things.  Like joy, living in the moment, giving more, inspiring people and loving more.  Living in the ocean of consciousness and creating.  I want to learn how I can create from that.  Even physical things, everything we have on this earth is created in this consciousness, from trees, to tables, the internet, our food, our rain, our sun, all of it.  I want to connect with that and learn how to create, like I said.  To create the vessel of abundance, freedom. heart ways.  Let that be me.  I feel like a leader that isn't leading,  I feel like a healer that is not healing.   I don't feel like a house wife but I am taking care of a house.  I don't feel like a wife and yet I am one.  I feel more like an artist, a creator, not a cleaner, or seller.   I don't like formal parties unless I am part of the hostess or a part of the cast, or producers or actress, or musician.  Is that vain?  I do like to go for others special occasions but I am not a partier right now.  I don't want to be around booze or eat to much.  I would rather do somethings creative or travel  or meditate, do yoga, ride a motorcycle just something a little different, peaceful, full of reconnecting and understanding my imprint in this consciousness.  People say I live in a bubble and that may be but my bubble seems clearer and more real to me than their bubble.   I AM SO GRATEFUL.  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Day 31 Late

I really did just plain forgot to do my blog today.  What is up with that?  I am just getting back in the habit.  I am patient with myself and will you appreciate the same from you.  Do you give yourself that courtesy I pray so.